Commodore Norrington Operating Instructions BY: Alicia Graybill Congratulations! You are the proud owner of Model no. 0709033-SCOMMODORE JAMES NORRINGTON. The information in this manual will ensure swift, safe and duty-bound functioning of this model for many years. Be aware that this is the S model, not the H model and, therefore, certain instructions as listed in the H model manual will not apply. TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS Name: James Norrington Type: Jilted Lover/Consolation Prize Manufacturer: Dauntless Naval Corp. Height: 6"1" Weight: 180 lbs. Length: Varies with temperature and companionship. Generally no more than 8" nor less than 5" Colour: English peach INSTALLATION The primary requirement for installation of the COMMODORE NORRINGTON unit is an existing CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW or ELIZABETH SWANN unit. Which unit needed will depend whether your model is a S unit (in which case the CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW unit is required) or a H unit (which will require the ELIZABETH SWANN unit.) ACCESSORIES The COMMODORE NORRINGTON unit comes equipped with the following accessories: (a) Outrageously brocaded dress uniform in an 18th century British Naval style. (b) White and brown wigs. (c) A beautiful sword, gold filigree inlay in the handle, the tang is the full width of the blade and perfectly balanced. (d) Iron manacles suitable for use on the CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW model. These will be especially important if you have both ELIZABETH SWANN and CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW models, whether you have purchased a S or H model NORRINGTON. Optional accessories in specially marked packages: e) LIEUTENANT GILLETTE or LIEUTENANT GROVES model (complete with removable uniforms if purchasing the S unit NORRINGTON) OPERATING PROCEDURE To activate your COMMODORE NORRINGTON, insert the accompanying CD containing 'Rule Britannia' into a CD player. If a CD player is unavailable or the CD is missing, activating a CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW unit in the immediate vicinity will turn your NORRINGTON unit on (depending upon whether you have a S or H unit, make sure you take safety precautions.) CLEANING Unlike the SPARROW or TURNER units, the COMMODORE NORRINGTON model is fully-self-cleaning so there is no necessity to remove his uniform, immerse him in warm, soapy water, and scrub vigorously at all his nooks and crannies unless this is an activity that you choose to engage in. Be prepared, if you choose to engage in this behavior, to deactivate any CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW, ELIZABETH SWANN, LT. GILLETTE or LT. GROVES models in the vicinity, especially in the case of a S model NORRINGTON. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS Q: My NORRINGTON unit has taken to moping around all day. What is wrong with his programming? A: Absolutely nothing if there is a functioning WILL TURNER (model no. 0709032-S/H) unit in the vicinity. Be aware, the presence of a WILL TURNER model with a COMMODORE NORRINGTON model, especially the S models in combination with a CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW unit, can lead to serious consequences, including but not limited to damage to any or all three units. Q: I purchased the optional DAUNTLESS and INTERCEPTOR playsets and my NORRINGTON unit is attempting to blow the INTERCEPTOR playset up with the cannons located on the DAUNTLESS playset. What am I doing wrong? A: It is most important that you a) no longer allow your CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW unit to play on either playset, and b) you reassure your NORRINGTON unit that neither playset is under imminent danger of being commandeered. Suggested ways to reassure your NORRINGTON unit include: confining any CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW units to the PORT ROYAL GAOL playset, adorning any CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW units with the iron manacle accessories, or restraining your WILL TURNER unit with appropriate ropes and gag. Q: I bought the H model COMMODORE NORRINGTON but whenever he gets near my S model CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW unit, he can't keep his hands off him. What can I do? A: You can return your H model to the vendor for a replacement (obviously the H model is actually a very repressed S model) or you can purchase an ELIZABETH TURNER model and see if this corrects the malfunction. Q: It seems the batteries in my COMMODORE NORRINGTON S model don't last very long. What can I do to improve battery-life? A: If you own a CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW S model, make sure he is deactivated when you aren't interacting with him. He is obviously turning on and interfacing with your NORRINGTON S model when you aren't looking. If you don't own a SPARROW S model, make sure your ELIZABETH SWANN model, GILLETTE or GROVES models are deactivated for the same reason. Q: My COMMODORE NORRINGTON model keeps trying to hang my CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW model. What can I do? A: If you have not previously purchased a WILL TURNER S model (or H model if the S model is unavailable), do so immediately. The WILL TURNER model is programmed to correct this defect. TROUBLE SHOOTING Problem: The COMMODORE NORRINGTON S unit walks in a very ginger manner. Solution: Separate the COMMODORE NORRINGTON S unit from the CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW S model for a few days to see if this corrects the problem. If this does not, try leaving a bottle of lavender oil where the two S units can find it. Problem: Your NORRINGTON attempts to board the BLACK PEARL playset where your CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW unit resides. Solution: If a NORRINGTON S model does this, there should be no problem. If a NORRINGTON H model does this, try moving the BLACK PEARL playset to a different room (call it a "different port"). Problem: Your NORRINGTON whines on endlessly about his relationships with Susan and other female names, none of which are ELIZABETH. Solution: Return this model to the vendor for reprogramming as you have been issued a STEVE. These models look very similar but are programmed very differently. LIFETIME GUARANTEE: Your COMMODORE NORRINGTON unit is fully guaranteed for the life of the product (approximately 70 years) against manufacturer's defect and average wear and tear. If, however, you allow your COMMODORE NORRINGTON model to turn pirate, ye're on yer own, mate! * * *